Childhood is something that everyone must go through before he or she can become fully actualized person.  It something that is twofold no matter regardless of the individual's experiences.  Childhood is a very straightforward, but also has a very mysterious side to it because no one knows how a kid will turn out once he or she reaches adulthood.  My childhood also had this same structure.

I was born with birth a birth defect known as Cerebral Palsy.  Because of this condition, I did not learn how to do things such as pick up objects or talk until I was around three years old.  I was babied by my mother way too much.  Life was pretty simple.  I came home, did my homework, and would play video games until it was time to go to bed.

I also had quite a lot of surgeries in my lifetime.  The most notable one was my Ilizarov operation.  An Ilizarov is an apparatus that holds the bone in place so that it can heal correctly.  I had pins in my leg to hold everything together.  Every night I had to clean my pinholes with q-tips.  The reason I had this operation was because the ball of my hip was coming out of its socket.  All of the operations that I had over then first fifteen years of my life led me to spend a lot of time in hospitals.  This could also be a factor as to why it took me a long time to mature.

I missed my mother a little too much when she was not around.  When I would go on weekly vacations with my father to Ocean City Maryland, I would always begin to miss my mother and want to return home.  I had a rather sick attachment to my mother that no one could cure. 

At this point in my life, I did not have any transgendered thoughts whatsoever.  As stated before my first thoughts of transgenderism came when I had the desire to wear tights.  I first started take notice of this object of clothing on my ninth grade computer teacher Ms. Etzler.  When I entered the tenth grade, I also took notice of my computer teacher Ms. Green.  I also tended to take the same interest in my science teacher Ms. Thomas.   

I suppose the worst part of this whole story is the fact that I wonder if I would have matured into the woman I am today if my mother had not died.  If my mother were alive at this moment, would I still just be a "mammas boy"?  Would my transgendered nature have come out in another way?  I guess we will never know the answer to that question.  No one can ever view the possibilities of an alternate universe where my mother lived longer.  I guess things might have ended up more or less the same.  My first TG thoughts began when my mother was alive, so why would her death have anything to do with this at all?

Everyone always tends to find his or niche in life no matter what happens to him or her personally.  The woman I am is probably who I was destined to become, but I just needed to work through my physical traumas before I took on the task of finding out who I was mentally.